I’m naming my first born “The Dark Knight”
At first I thought it was pretty stupid people were getting depressed over not being able to live on the fictional planet of North America Pandora. But then I read the news this morning. Apparently there’s been a surge in people naming their children Pocahontas Neytiri, maze Turok, and Jamestown Pandora.
When I saw the headline that there was a surge in Pandora inspired names, I was honestly expecting to see a spike in John Rolfe Jake. But if there was one, it didn’t make the news. Apparently it’s not unusual for a $100 million movie to create a naming surge, but these names are particularly retarded. Just imagine kids being asked to explain their namesake.
Random Shlub: “Neytiri, that’s an unusual name, how’d you get it?”
Neytiri: “I was named after a character from this weird SciFi movie.”
Random Shlub: “Oh, neat. Can you describe the character’s personality?”
Neytiri: “Uh…Nonexistant?”
Random Shlub: “What about you Turok?”
Turok: “I was named after a giant flying creature from the same movie.”
Random Shlub: “Oh, interesting, does it have any special powers?”
Turok: “Um…it’s a little bit bigger than the other flying creatures, I guess.”
Random Shlub: “What about you Pandora, how’d you get your name?”
Pandora: “I was named after the planet from that movie.”
Random Shlub: “But not the far more famous Greek figure?”
Pandora: “The who?”
Random Shlub: “You know, the woman? With the box? Kinda…screws everything up for mankind.”
Pandora: “No, Pandora is a planet in a movie by the same name. My parents never mentioned a story about a box.”
Random Shlub: “Are your parents ignorant dumbasses?”
Pandora: “I don’t think so. They must read a lot, because they keep their reading glasses on the table next to the couch.”
Random Shlub: “Are they 3D reading glasses?”
Pandora: “Yeah, for the subtitles.”
Random Shlub: “Well, this has been interesting. Nice meeting you three, but I have to run off and meet my friends Raptor, Titanic, and Green Goblin.”
January 19, 2010 at 9:33 pm
Spot on! The lack of originality and need to feel creative through naming one’s progeny after vapid characters from third rate sci-fi flicks is a sign of the pending apocalypse. We’re doomed.