Ladies, Don’t Pass on Bars

Dear BL1Y,

I need some advice. I wanna meet a hot guy, like really hot not just average, who is not in the least gay or bi. Obviously not in law school. Don’t say go to a bar cause ppl in bars r not there to find a girlfriend. Where can I go? What can I do to attract a guy like that?


Desperate Jersey 1L

Dear Deperate Jersey 1L,

First, my condolences on making such a god awful mistake in going to law school.  What the fuck were you thinking?  There’s not enough 1s and 0s on the internet to fully explain how incredibly dumb your life choices have been up to this point, so I’ll just move on to your question.

The best place to meet a hot guy who’s not gay is in a bar.  Yes, guys don’t go to bars to get girlfriends.  But, the truth is we don’t go anywhere to get girlfriends.  It’s not that we don’t want one, it’s just that there’s no specific place we go to find one.  The reason is pretty simple: girls look for relationships, guys look for people.

You’ve started all wrong by having the type of relationship you want as the basic criteria for a guy.  What you should do is just look for people you find interesting, attractive, friendly and easy to get along with, and then go with whatever relationship forms naturally.  Instead, you’re going around with a check list, hoping to squeeze some guy into a pre-sized box.  That’s just a recipe for disaster.

Honestly though, the best place to meet guys is going to be at a bar.  I know the stereotype, that guys who are out at bars are just looking to get laid, and there’s no nice, intelligent professional guys at bars.  That’s not just stereotyping, but it’s awful, terribly inaccurate stereotyping.

I go to bars.  A lot.  I have a bachelors in English and Philosophy and a JD from a top law school.  I read books for fun.  I’m very easy to get along with and have never picked a fight.  But, I also like alcohol, sports and socializing with complete strangers.  Most of the time I go it’s just to hang out with friends or to watch a game with like-minded fans.  I’m looking neither to get laid nor to find a girlfriend.  I’m just looking to have fun and a get somewhere between pleasantly buzzed and seriously fucked up.

Now, like a lot of guys, I’ve gone to bars to meet girls.  A lot.  Even then, I’m not necessarily looking to get laid that night.  I’ll go for it if it seems like a real possibility, but that’s not the sole objective.  If there’s a girl I find really attractive (physically and personality), I’ll stop looking at other girls, even if I know I’m not going home with her that night.  I just can’t multitask well enough to have my attention divided.

If you want to avoid the guys just looking for a quick hookup, it’s mostly about picking the right type of bar.  You want something more neighborhoody than a big hot spot.  If you have to fight your way to the bar, it’s probably not the right place.  When you go into a bar do a quick estimate of the number of seats at the bar.  You want a place where the number of customers is between 75% and 200% of that number.  Decent traffic, but not packed.

Now, onto the second part of your question, what can you do to attract a really hot guy?

First, let’s stick with the bar where I’ve put you.  Talk to everyone around you, even if they’re not who you’re looking for.  The rule to remember is that you might not be attracted to him, but you don’t know if you’d be attracted to his friend who’s going to arrive in 15 minutes.  It’s always better to make friends at the bar.  If nothing else, you’ll get a couple free drinks.  (This goes for guys too; always befriend the guys and the ugly girls, you have nothing to lose, and seriously, people will buy you drinks too.)

If you’re shy and not great at starting conversations with strangers, then chat up the bar tender if he’s not terribly busy.  Start with asking if there’s any drink specials, what bottled beer they have, etc.  Most bar tenders are friendly and you can quickly tell who just wants you to drink and shut up.

You must become friends with the bar tender!  He’s the easiest source of free drinks, and can provide great recon for you.  A lot of people are likely to be regulars, and he’ll know who’s single, who’s a creeper and all that sort of stuff.  If you ask (and he’s slick enough to do it) he’ll even suggest to a guy you find attractive that he should go talk to you.  The bar tender is like your dating swiss army knife.

The next thing you can do to attract Mr. Right is not disparriage guys who go to bars.  Most guys go to bars and many of us get offended when girls try to claim that none of us are interesting in relationships.

Last, and certainly not least, is the hardest thing you can do to attract the right guy: Be more attractive.  Sorry, but there’s no way around this.  Go to the gym more often, cut back on carbs, calories, fat and sodium.  If you think you’re fat, you need to lose 5-10 pounds.  If you don’t think you’re fat, you need to lose 15-30 and stop being so delusional.

You need to be at least 1 point more attractive than the guy if your game is not 100% tight.  If you think the guy is an 8, you need to be a 9.  If you think you’re a 9, you’re really a 7.5.  So, you need to become what you think of as a 10.5 to get an 8.  This is a simple product of the fact that good looking girls are easier to find than good looking guys, and you’re all delusional about your own appearances.

After that, you need to work on being pleasant to be around.  Don’t dismiss guys who talk to you just because you’re not immediately swept off your feet.  Try being a genuinely nice person even to people who you think you won’t get anything from and are probably just wasting your time.  Try not to say anything stupid.  We don’t want to hear about your cat or how you believe in The Secret.  Don’t be a bitch.  Don’t ask us to buy you anything.  Most guys will offer to buy you a drink anyways, but if you ask and the guy does it, he’s a pussy.  A real man will just stare at you blankly for a moment and then pretend you didn’t say anything.

Hope this is helpful.




3 Responses to “Ladies, Don’t Pass on Bars”

  1. ”  If you think you’re fat, you need to lose 5-10 pounds.  If you don’t think you’re fat, you need to lose 15-30 and stop being so delusional.”

    I think you got that in reverse. If a girl doesn’t think she needs to lose weight then she needs to lose 10. If she knows she’s fat then like 30. I could have sworn I read that somewhere else before.

    You also got it wrong. If a girl doesn’t pretend she is innocent so to speak and has a sexualized presence too early then in the male mind she is filed under one-night-stand/booty-call/fling. A girl whose game is tight knows this.

  2. Wrong on both. Girls who are slightly overweight think they’re fat. Girls who are very overweight think they’re just fine the way they are.

    And any girl I’ve dated or had a relationship with I at the very least fooled around with within the first two dates. We don’t have a filing system. What we have is a reference guide to your filing system.

  3. Thanks for the link to your post. Good info to take in mind. I may just venture out this weekend.

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