New Dating Rule For Women: Be Smarter
Another morning of trawling the internet has found yet another silly girl with dumb ideas about dating, this time a 20-something writer living in LA, blogging about her non-relationship with an aspiring director (read: bus boy) who kissed her one time.
Here’s the pertinent information:
“I discovered he had a longtime girlfriend back on the east coast. Then when that ended, he had a new girlfriend here in LA … all while I was patiently waiting for him to come around and declare his love for me.
“My friends told me he was a jerk, he was using me, that I deserved better.
“I confronted the fact that I didn’t know a heck of a lot about guys and the signs that a guy doesn’t want a relationship (with you). I read a few books and decided to forego men for awhile. If a truly worthy guy comes along, he will have to pursue me now. I’m over making the most effort, for settling for way less than I deserve.”
This is a classic example of a girl ignoring extremely obvious signs that a guy isn’t right for you. In this case, there were two:
1. He’s in a relationship with someone else. Okay, sometimes a guy is in the process of ending a bad relationship, and you can push this one a little bit, but come on…the guy breaks up with his girlfriend and then gets in a relationship with someone else who isn’t you. You’re clearly not near the top of his list. It’s time to move on.
2. All your friends think he’s an asshole. If none of your friends like him, it’s a good sign that you’ve put blinders on to some very obvious problems. Unless your friends are bitches, they’ll make an effort to like the guy you like, so the fact that they hate him is pretty damning. Some girls try to get around this clear problem with two stupid tactics. First, they’ll point out that all of his friends say nice things about him. No shit, they’re his friends, they’re not going to try to get you to dump him, they care about him, not you. Second, they’ll point out that one or more of their friends does like him. But, these friends are usually the girls who pick one asshole or douchebag after another. The fact that they like him should be a sign NOT to date him.
Our silly writer girl doesn’t stop at swooning over Mr. Doesn’t Give a Shit About You, she has a completely stupid response to the rejection. She turns to books and then to swearing off men. Both are bad moves.
There is nothing you needed to learn from a book. Everything you needed to know about this guy was obvious from the start, you just chose to ignore it. Get your head out of books and back into the real world. Pay attention and make smart decisions.
Swearing off men is also dumb. The problem here wasn’t men, it was that you acted foolishly. Swear off acting foolishly.
And this nonsense about making men come after you now? From the way you tell the story, you didn’t really pursue this guy. “Patiently waiting” is not the same as putting forth a sincere effort. All you did was wait around for him, but now you’re trying to use your failure to attract a guy by doing nothing as a way to make yourself feel better about continuing with the same passive, lazy strategy.