Archive for the Dumb Ideas Girls Have Category

Bridget Crawford is a Moron

Posted in Dumb Ideas Girls Have with tags , , , , , , on January 16, 2010 by bl1y

I mentioned this yesterday, but I just really feel like it’s needs some elaboration.  Pace Law professor Bridget Crawford is calling for a boycott of an NYSBA panel in which several prominent male members of the legal industry will give advice to women on how they can advance their careers.  About the panel, Crawford said:

“Men have been telling us FOR YEARS how we don’t measure up. To have a panel of men, endorsed by the New York State Bar Association, discussing our “strengths and weaknesses,” is a regression and an insult to all women in the legal profession.”

First, a quick note…Professor Crawford is not a member of the legal profession.  She is not a legal professional.  She is a member of the academic profession, and just happens to teach law.  Though, as far as academics and scholarship go, she mostly focuses on feminism, so she’s not really even teaching that much law.  She’s basically a sociology or gender studies professor.

But, on to the real issue.  I doubt Crawford objects to male attorneys interviewing female law students for summer jobs.  And, I doubt she objects to male attorneys being on law firm hiring committees, even when those committees make decisions about women.  And certainly she would allow a male partner for whom a female associate worked to provide a performance evaluation of that associate.  And, I bet she’d even be okay with male partners voting in partner meetings to decide whether a female associate should be promoted into the partnership.

So if men are already quite properly discussing the strengths and weaknesses of female attorneys, what’s so wrong with men giving insight into what they perceive as the strengths and weaknesses of their female coworkers?  Even if the men have completely ass-backwards ideas about women, it would be incredibly useful for women to know this.

I think what’s really going on here is that Professor Crawford saw that men were talking about women and decided to be offended.  The Race to be Offended is a popular pastime among feminists (and some other groups), but too often the race is won before anyone stops to consider whether they really ought to be offended in the first place.

Also, interesting factoid that might get lost in this whole mess: Pace University has a law school.  With dumbass professors like Ms. Crawford, it’s no wonder Pace is ranked a whole order of magnitude lower than the Third Tier Toilets.

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Why Your Diet Fails

Posted in Dumb Ideas Girls Have with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 14, 2010 by bl1y

Any time I check my tag surfer, I see some sort of post about people dealing with hunger when trying to diet.  A lot of people try using things like Diet Coke either as a replacement for their normal calorie-rich caffeine source, or as a way to fill up their stomachs and stave off hunger.

The problem is they don’t understand how hunger works.  Drinking something sweet like Diet Coke will make you more hungry.  Your body got hungry and you responded by telling it there is food around.  So of course, your hunger doesn’t go away.  Human still operate on caveman software, and cavemen needed to gorge to survive because of the risk of not finding food again soon.  Once you tell your body food is around it will want to eat until it’s full.

Instead of something flavorful to fill up on, you need to go for low flavor things, like water, black coffee, or unflavored rice cakes.  These tell your body that there isn’t anything worth eating, and soon your body will stop sending hunger signals to your brain.  And, the less hungry you are, the easier it is to keep to your diet.

If this isn’t making sense, try thinking about hunger as an unattractive guy at a club or a bar.  If he comes up and talks to you and you make conversation with him (aka: feed him something empty but tasty), he’ll become more interested and keep wanting to talk to you.  But, if you brush him off (give him a rice cake), he’ll realize he’s not getting anywhere and give up.

I don’t plan on making any more posts on dieting in the near future, so I’ll just toss in some odds and ends on this one.

1.  Don’t eat anything you don’t know the nutritional contents of.  The four big things to look at are calories, fat, carbs, and sodium.  Anything packaged has this info printed right on it, and virtually every restaurant has the info available online or on location.  Look before you leap.  The Arby’s Roast Beef and Swish Market Fresh Sandwich sounds like one of their healthier options, right?  810 calories, 42g of fat, and 1,780mg sodium say otherwise.  It’s like eating two Super Roast Beef sandwiches.

2.  Pay attention to sodium.  Most people just look at calories, fat or carbs, but sodium is the secret diet killer.  Too much sodium will make you retain water, and that can lead to quick weight gain.  It’s easy to find fast, convenient foods that are low in fat and calories, but they’re usually super high on sodium.  A Subway 6-inch double roast beef sub (that’s double the meat; you get a foot-long of meat on a 6-inch roll to save 230 calories) has 360 calories and 7g of fat, but 1,300mg of sodium; that’s way more than half your daily allowance.

3.  Sushi is your friend.  It’s one of the few things you can find that’s low on sodium (and fat and calories) that you don’t have to cook yourself.  Sashimi is better, but you normally don’t eat too much rice with sushi anyways, so it’s not a huge deal.  But, you must avoid spicy rolls.  The heat comes from a spicy mayo blend, and mayo is a no-no when you’re on a diet.  You also need to avoid using soy sauce.  One tablespoon contains over 1000mg of sodium, over 40% of what you should consume in a day.  Low sodium soy sauce isn’t much better, with over 500mg of sodium, or about 20% of your daily intake.  The best option is to find out what fish you like the flavor of and learn to appreciate it.

4.  Avoid any extreme diet.  Any program that says to cut out a basic nutritional line, like carbs on Atkins, or EVERYTHING on the Master Cleanse is doomed to failure.  Your body is a machine and needs fuel to operate.  It must have carbs, calories, fat and protein or it will shut down.  You will be much better off cutting each of these a small amount than cutting one a lot.

5.  Plan your meals ahead of time.  It’s easier to limit your portions when you’re not hungry, so plan your meals a good 5-6 hours before you’re going to eat (and stick to it).  Whenever possible, set aside what you’re going to have in advance, or write it down.  This makes it easier to stick with the plans you made when you weren’t hungry.  For snacks and such, each morning try putting your daily limit into a bag or lunchbox and when it’s empty, don’t allow yourself any more snacks that day.

6.  Walk.  Walking at a leisurely pace for one hour every day will result in half a pound lost per week.  This is a great way to add in more exercise when you feel too tired.  You’re almost never too tired to put one foot in front of the other.  Plus, you don’t need to bother with changing clothes, showering after, or going down to your gym, all of which makes it a low-hassle exercise.

7.  Beware of “good fats.”  Some fats are definitely better than others, no doubt.  But, they’re still fat.  Remember, you still have to limit your portions, you want to avoid the “health halo” (the tendency to over eat healthy foods).  People at Subway consume on average 350 more calories than people who eat at McDonald’s.  Consider that a 6 inch tuna sub contains 530 calories, 31g of fat and 1010mg of sodium, while a quarter-pounder (without cheese) is 410 calories, 19g of fat and 730mg of sodium.

8.  Eat slower.  It takes time for your stomach to signal your brain that it’s full.  The faster you eat, the more unnecessary food is consumed between being full and feeling full.  Also, it helps to not go back and forth between different foods.  Changing flavors makes us hungrier (again, a result of your body thinking there is more food around).  Try to stick with one item until you’re done with it (either finished, or given up).

9.  Stand in front of your mirror with your shirt off and jiggle your fat.  Do this for at least one full minute three times a week.  This won’t sit well with the “love your body” crowd, but accept that while there are things about your body you can love, it’s perfectly fine to have parts of it you want to declare war on.  Try not to think of it as a true part of your body, but an infection that’s invaded and must be disposed of.  Fat is the Nazis and you’re the Dutch Resistance, not Vichy France.

10.  Stop hating skinny girls.  It’s incredibly hard to lose weight when you demonize those smaller than you.  You don’t have to idolize people who are skinny to the point of it being a health risk, but remind yourself that plenty of people are thin, fit and healthy.  When you hate skinny girls you make your size an “us v. them” battle, and as long as “them” is thin, attractive people, you’ll subconsciously prevent yourself from joining their camp.  Put the traditional, thin, beautiful women into two camps: people you want to look more like, and people who are irrelevant and you won’t spend any more time thinking about.  Too many women use Kate Moss as an excuse to stay fat, thinking that once they start to get thin it’s a slippery slope straight to completely disappearing.  But of course that’s horse shit.  There’s a sexy middle ground to be found (though, it’s far thinner than where the average weight is, so don’t use that as your metric).

How to Spot a Player

Posted in Dumb Ideas Girls Have with tags , , , , on January 13, 2010 by bl1y

It’s no wonder so many silly girls have dumb ideas when it comes to dating when they get advice during their formative years from craptacular resources such as 17 Magazine.  They have a page on their website where “cute guys” (aka: guidos with braces) will answer your questions so you can learn all about boys.

The current question is “How can girls spot a player?”  Here’s a list of the answers the guys gave:

“By the way he dresses and talks to girls around him.” – Cameron, 15

“When he always tells you what you want to hear.” – Joey, 15

“They just know.” – Dillon, 16

“If a guy talks about himself a lot rather than the girl’s interests.” – John, 17

“When he looks at other girls, but say’s [sic] he’s looking at you.” – Chris, 17

“If they talk to every girl in school.” – JP, 15

“By how many girls he’s dated.” – Andrew, 16

Every guy talks about their interests, everyone is their own favorite subject.  If a guy notices other girls, it means he just has a functioning penis.  If he lies about it, that means he has a functioning brain.  Talking to every girl might just be a sign that he’s friendly.  And of course, telling girls that they just know is terrible advice to give to someone who is obviously asking because they don’t know.

There is only really one way to spot a player: you want to jump his bones before you’ve been on a date.

Assume that every guy who can get you aroused very quickly before any sort of real relationship exists is a player and you’ll be right 95% of the time.  It’s not that being a player makes you able to quickly attract girls, but rather the reverse.  Having a natural talent for turning girls on will turn almost any guy into a player.

That’s the Catch 22, ladies.  The more attractive a guy is, the more options he has and the less likely he’ll be willing to settle with you.

How to Lose the Power (the DABA Way!)

Posted in Dumb Ideas Girls Have with tags , , , , , on January 12, 2010 by bl1y

As much I try to be a fan of the DABA Girls, sometimes they just end up being silly girls with dumb ideas; this time they decided to tell women the key to getting power over men is to withhold sex.

Just think about it. What if every single woman out there stopped having sex. No more one night stands. No more casual hook-ups. No more f*ck buddies. No more ex-sex. No more let’s start having sex and if it’s good then attempt to backtrack into a relationship. The boys of New York would have to start working for it!

There’s just one teencie-weencie problem with their plan: girls like sex too.  They like it every bit as much as guys do.  Maybe even more.  Just think, the last time your neighbors were pounding on the wall/ceiling telling you to keep it down, were they complaining about your orgasmic screams or hers?

All it takes for girls to lose at withholding sex is for guys to just keep in mind that she wants it just as bad and is on the verge of cracking any moment.  The only difference is girls have more practice pretending they’re not horny.

There’s actually a second problem: sluts.  Sorry ladies, but a sex embargo only works if no ships get through, and there’s a fleet of girls who won’t hold out as long as you will.

Withholding sex will ultimately hurt the girls doing it.  Sex is a source of power, but only when you use it.  If you withhold it, we’ll get it elsewhere and then you have even less power, so that kinda defeats the purpose.

There are two simple steps to using sex to get power over a relationship:

1) Cardio and yoga.  Get as fit as possible.  Not female(?) body-builder fit, but hot fit.

2) Get so good at sex that what you have he can’t find elsewhere.  This means doing more than lying down and let him do all the work.  It also means doing more than getting on your hands and knees and letting him do 98% of the work.

13 Sex Tips That Will Drive Him Away!

Posted in Dumb Ideas Girls Have with tags , , , , , , on January 11, 2010 by bl1y

Cosmopolitan is known for having recurring articles with a laundry list of new things to do in bed, and those lists are known for having a lot of obvious stuff in them, like “Take as much of his package as you can in your mouth, and suck firmly–he’ll absolutely love the pressure,” (#26 this month), or things that are just plain weird “Hold some sparkling water in your mouth while giving him oral.  The bubbles plus warmth will make him quiver”  (#57).

But, mixed in with these are often some really bad bits of advice almost certain to lead to terrible sex.  So, here’s the worst advice out of February Cosmo’s 99 Hot New Sex Tips:

#1  Drop by his place unexpectedly wearing knee-high boots, a trench…and nothing else.

Odds are the trip over will be pretty uncomfortable wearing just a trench, especially if it’s at all cold or the ride is more than 5 minutes.  Heaven forbid you get pulled over by a cop or have car trouble.  And don’t drop by entirely unexpectedly.  He may have friends or family visiting or just not be home.  Make the way you arrive unexpected, not the arrival itself.  You don’t want to show up like that only to find him with another woman.

The better way to dress for this, to minimize your discomfort, is to add some sexy underwear.  Garters are always a good choice.  Remember, you don’t want to lose the mood with an awkward, uncomfortable ride.

#2 En route to meet him, text your guy dirty stuff you want him to do to you once you’re there.

While I love a dirty text, don’t text and drive.  The best way to turn your guy on is to show up alive and unharmed, not to turn him on and then make him meet you at the hospital.

#18 Pucker your lips, and make him fight to get his tongue in while he’s kissing you.

Do you really want your guy to discover that he’s turned on by the idea of forcible sex?

#20 Using a silky tie, gently bind his hands behind his back.  Then torture him with a slow striptease.

Ties from Thomas Pink cost around $150.  That’s high end, but odds are if you picked a tie made from a nice material, he doesn’t want to get it dry cleaned to get out the lube or cum stains that end up on it.  And he definitely doesn’t want to accidentally rip or stretch it.  If you want to act out one of your fantasies, use your own silky scarf, not our silky tie.

#24 Stay silent until you’re about to orgasm…then let yourself go.  your animalistic noises will drive him wild.

Ladies, your sounds are half of the way we know we’re getting you off (the other half is what got other girls off).  If you stay silent, not only are you less likely to have an orgasm, we’ll probably get very weirded out, especially if you’re normally quite vocal.

#25 Make him “stir” by swiveling his hips in a circle.  He’ll hit every part of you.

This is probably taken from the weird moves in soft core porn.  (Soft core porn is where the sex is simulated; there’s no actual penetration.)  If he’s inside you and you try to move him like this, you will hurt his penis.  We don’t like our penises bent, sprained, or broken.  It makes for bad sex.

#48 Sway your hips from side to side during doggie-style instead of back and forth in order to hit new nerves.

Same problem, our dicks don’t move that way.  You’re going to hurt us, and not in a good way.

#50 Place one hand at the base of his shaft, and twist the tip with the other–like you’re opening a jar.

Penises don’t twist.  Don’t try to twist it.  It will not open, it will break.  If you think a penis works like a jar, maybe this is why you’re always need a man to handle opening jars for you.

#54 During missionary sex, place your feet on his chest with your legs crossed to create an extrasnug grip.

…Whaaaat?  I’m no Sting, but I’ve gone through all the basic positions and almost all the semi-pro stuff, and I just don’t understand how this can possibly work.

#55 Lightly wrap a cheap beaded necklace around his package, and then move it back and forth.

The problem here is “cheap.”  Cheap beaded necklaces often have little seams on the beads and minor imperfections.  These little flaws, combined with a little back and forth can easily result in serious chaffing, or worse, bleeding.  I like the idea, but chances this will go wrong are just too high.

#62 Have sex in an empty bathtub.  The confined space keeps you close and forces you to get creative.

Bare skin against dry platic or porcelain?  Sounds like a good way to get tub-burn.  Just draw a bath, add some bubbles and enjoy the same creativity-forcing confined space.  And be careful of the faucet.  Some cheaper models can be sharp on the underside.

#71 Set your cell-phone alarm for 3 am., and wake him up for a quickie.

Don’t expect us to be able to perform when we’re tired, disoriented, and pissed off that you set your alarm for 3 am.  Instead, set your alarm for 45 minutes before you’d normally get up so you have plenty of time to get it on before work.

New Dating Rule For Women: Be Smarter

Posted in Dumb Ideas Girls Have with tags , , , , on January 9, 2010 by bl1y

Another morning of trawling the internet has found yet another silly girl with dumb ideas about dating, this time a 20-something writer living in LA, blogging about her non-relationship with an aspiring director (read: bus boy) who kissed her one time.

Here’s the pertinent information:

“I discovered he had a longtime girlfriend back on the east coast. Then when that ended, he had a new girlfriend here in LA … all while I was patiently waiting for him to come around and declare his love for me.

“My friends told me he was a jerk, he was using me, that I deserved better.

“I confronted the fact that I didn’t know a heck of a lot about guys and the signs that a guy doesn’t want a relationship (with you). I read a few books and decided to forego men for awhile. If a truly worthy guy comes along, he will have to pursue me now. I’m over making the most effort, for settling for way less than I deserve.”

This is a classic example of a girl ignoring extremely obvious signs that a guy isn’t right for you.  In this case, there were two:

1.  He’s in a relationship with someone else.  Okay, sometimes a guy is in the process of ending a bad relationship, and you can push this one a little bit, but come on…the guy breaks up with his girlfriend and then gets in a relationship with someone else who isn’t you.  You’re clearly not near the top of his list.  It’s time to move on.

2.  All your friends think he’s an asshole.  If none of your friends like him, it’s a good sign that you’ve put blinders on to some very obvious problems.  Unless your friends are bitches, they’ll make an effort to like the guy you like, so the fact that they hate him is pretty damning.  Some girls try to get around this clear problem with two stupid tactics.  First, they’ll point out that all of his friends say nice things about him.  No shit, they’re his friends, they’re not going to try to get you to dump him, they care about him, not you.  Second, they’ll point out that one or more of their friends does like him.  But, these friends are usually the girls who pick one asshole or douchebag after another.  The fact that they like him should be a sign NOT to date him.

Our silly writer girl doesn’t stop at swooning over Mr. Doesn’t Give a Shit About You, she has a completely stupid response to the rejection.  She turns to books and then to swearing off men.  Both are bad moves.

There is nothing you needed to learn from a book.  Everything you needed to know about this guy was obvious from the start, you just chose to ignore it.  Get your head out of books and back into the real world.  Pay attention and make smart decisions.

Swearing off men is also dumb.  The problem here wasn’t men, it was that you acted foolishly.  Swear off acting foolishly.

And this nonsense about making men come after you now?  From the way you tell the story, you didn’t really pursue this guy.  “Patiently waiting” is not the same as putting forth a sincere effort.  All you did was wait around for him, but now you’re trying to use your failure to attract a guy by doing nothing as a way to make yourself feel better about continuing with the same passive, lazy strategy.

Ladies, Don’t Pass on Bars

Posted in Dumb Ideas Girls Have with tags , , on January 8, 2010 by bl1y

Dear BL1Y,

I need some advice. I wanna meet a hot guy, like really hot not just average, who is not in the least gay or bi. Obviously not in law school. Don’t say go to a bar cause ppl in bars r not there to find a girlfriend. Where can I go? What can I do to attract a guy like that?

Yours,

Desperate Jersey 1L

Dear Deperate Jersey 1L,

First, my condolences on making such a god awful mistake in going to law school.  What the fuck were you thinking?  There’s not enough 1s and 0s on the internet to fully explain how incredibly dumb your life choices have been up to this point, so I’ll just move on to your question.

The best place to meet a hot guy who’s not gay is in a bar.  Yes, guys don’t go to bars to get girlfriends.  But, the truth is we don’t go anywhere to get girlfriends.  It’s not that we don’t want one, it’s just that there’s no specific place we go to find one.  The reason is pretty simple: girls look for relationships, guys look for people.

You’ve started all wrong by having the type of relationship you want as the basic criteria for a guy.  What you should do is just look for people you find interesting, attractive, friendly and easy to get along with, and then go with whatever relationship forms naturally.  Instead, you’re going around with a check list, hoping to squeeze some guy into a pre-sized box.  That’s just a recipe for disaster.

Honestly though, the best place to meet guys is going to be at a bar.  I know the stereotype, that guys who are out at bars are just looking to get laid, and there’s no nice, intelligent professional guys at bars.  That’s not just stereotyping, but it’s awful, terribly inaccurate stereotyping.

I go to bars.  A lot.  I have a bachelors in English and Philosophy and a JD from a top law school.  I read books for fun.  I’m very easy to get along with and have never picked a fight.  But, I also like alcohol, sports and socializing with complete strangers.  Most of the time I go it’s just to hang out with friends or to watch a game with like-minded fans.  I’m looking neither to get laid nor to find a girlfriend.  I’m just looking to have fun and a get somewhere between pleasantly buzzed and seriously fucked up.

Now, like a lot of guys, I’ve gone to bars to meet girls.  A lot.  Even then, I’m not necessarily looking to get laid that night.  I’ll go for it if it seems like a real possibility, but that’s not the sole objective.  If there’s a girl I find really attractive (physically and personality), I’ll stop looking at other girls, even if I know I’m not going home with her that night.  I just can’t multitask well enough to have my attention divided.

If you want to avoid the guys just looking for a quick hookup, it’s mostly about picking the right type of bar.  You want something more neighborhoody than a big hot spot.  If you have to fight your way to the bar, it’s probably not the right place.  When you go into a bar do a quick estimate of the number of seats at the bar.  You want a place where the number of customers is between 75% and 200% of that number.  Decent traffic, but not packed.

Now, onto the second part of your question, what can you do to attract a really hot guy?

First, let’s stick with the bar where I’ve put you.  Talk to everyone around you, even if they’re not who you’re looking for.  The rule to remember is that you might not be attracted to him, but you don’t know if you’d be attracted to his friend who’s going to arrive in 15 minutes.  It’s always better to make friends at the bar.  If nothing else, you’ll get a couple free drinks.  (This goes for guys too; always befriend the guys and the ugly girls, you have nothing to lose, and seriously, people will buy you drinks too.)

If you’re shy and not great at starting conversations with strangers, then chat up the bar tender if he’s not terribly busy.  Start with asking if there’s any drink specials, what bottled beer they have, etc.  Most bar tenders are friendly and you can quickly tell who just wants you to drink and shut up.

You must become friends with the bar tender!  He’s the easiest source of free drinks, and can provide great recon for you.  A lot of people are likely to be regulars, and he’ll know who’s single, who’s a creeper and all that sort of stuff.  If you ask (and he’s slick enough to do it) he’ll even suggest to a guy you find attractive that he should go talk to you.  The bar tender is like your dating swiss army knife.

The next thing you can do to attract Mr. Right is not disparriage guys who go to bars.  Most guys go to bars and many of us get offended when girls try to claim that none of us are interesting in relationships.

Last, and certainly not least, is the hardest thing you can do to attract the right guy: Be more attractive.  Sorry, but there’s no way around this.  Go to the gym more often, cut back on carbs, calories, fat and sodium.  If you think you’re fat, you need to lose 5-10 pounds.  If you don’t think you’re fat, you need to lose 15-30 and stop being so delusional.

You need to be at least 1 point more attractive than the guy if your game is not 100% tight.  If you think the guy is an 8, you need to be a 9.  If you think you’re a 9, you’re really a 7.5.  So, you need to become what you think of as a 10.5 to get an 8.  This is a simple product of the fact that good looking girls are easier to find than good looking guys, and you’re all delusional about your own appearances.

After that, you need to work on being pleasant to be around.  Don’t dismiss guys who talk to you just because you’re not immediately swept off your feet.  Try being a genuinely nice person even to people who you think you won’t get anything from and are probably just wasting your time.  Try not to say anything stupid.  We don’t want to hear about your cat or how you believe in The Secret.  Don’t be a bitch.  Don’t ask us to buy you anything.  Most guys will offer to buy you a drink anyways, but if you ask and the guy does it, he’s a pussy.  A real man will just stare at you blankly for a moment and then pretend you didn’t say anything.

Hope this is helpful.

Sincerely,

BL1Y