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I’ve commented before on the depressing state of lawyer humor, but Blackacre deserves its own entry. If you’re not aware, Blackacre is a placeholder name when discussing property questions, and the ownership of Blackacre is typically unclear or in dispute, creating the question “Who owns Blackacre?”
If you go to law school, not only will you encounter the profoundly unfunny meme of “I own Blackacre,” but you will also encounter someone who thinks this is both hilarious and creative. It’s neither. Yet, there’s still a I Own Blackacre Facebook group with over 6400 members. Here’s just a sampling of how incredibly unfunny Blackacre jokes are:
Rebecca S. (New England): “I got two family members to deed Blackacre to me in FSA [fee simple absolute]. Unfortunately, neither owned Blackacre, so I could only take a conveyance.”
Anthony W. (Massachusetts): “I don’t know how any of your can own own something, that I adversely possessed…and then blew-up!”
In 1628, Edward Coke made use the term Blackacre in a property treatise. In 1629 all jokes about Blackacre ceased being funny. It’s played out, get over it already and stop trying to make your sad little world appear amusing.
At first I thought it was pretty stupid people were getting depressed over not being able to live on the fictional planet of North America Pandora. But then I read the news this morning. Apparently there’s been a surge in people naming their children Pocahontas Neytiri, maze Turok, and Jamestown Pandora.
When I saw the headline that there was a surge in Pandora inspired names, I was honestly expecting to see a spike in John Rolfe Jake. But if there was one, it didn’t make the news. Apparently it’s not unusual for a $100 million movie to create a naming surge, but these names are particularly retarded. Just imagine kids being asked to explain their namesake.
Random Shlub: “Neytiri, that’s an unusual name, how’d you get it?”
Neytiri: “I was named after a character from this weird SciFi movie.”
Random Shlub: “Oh, neat. Can you describe the character’s personality?”
Random Shlub: “What about you Turok?”
Turok: “I was named after a giant flying creature from the same movie.”
Random Shlub: “Oh, interesting, does it have any special powers?”
Turok: “Um…it’s a little bit bigger than the other flying creatures, I guess.”
Random Shlub: “What about you Pandora, how’d you get your name?”
Pandora: “I was named after the planet from that movie.”
Random Shlub: “But not the far more famous Greek figure?”
Pandora: “The who?”
Random Shlub: “You know, the woman? With the box? Kinda…screws everything up for mankind.”
Pandora: “No, Pandora is a planet in a movie by the same name. My parents never mentioned a story about a box.”
Random Shlub: “Are your parents ignorant dumbasses?”
Pandora: “I don’t think so. They must read a lot, because they keep their reading glasses on the table next to the couch.”
Random Shlub: “Are they 3D reading glasses?”
Pandora: “Yeah, for the subtitles.”
Random Shlub: “Well, this has been interesting. Nice meeting you three, but I have to run off and meet my friends Raptor, Titanic, and Green Goblin.”
Wal-Mart shoppers have a pretty awful, yet well-deserved, reputation. Fat, unkept, camo-clothed, uneducated hill-billies. Of course, most people there are just regular people; the reputation is more a result of confirmation bias. You just don’t even bother noticing the regular folk, and the stereotypes stand out in your memory.
But, the city I live in now is not like most Southern cities. We have one of the largest research parks in the world and one of the highest concentrations of college graduates. The two big industries are NASA and the Air Force. So, with all the engineers (almost 10% of the work force) and military types, you’d think Wal-Marts here would be well-oiled retail machines. So very much not the case. In fact, the less like a stereotypical Wal-Mart shopper someone looks, it seems the more likely they are to be a terrible customer. I guess the Wal-Mart regulars have figured out the basic protocol for shopping in a big box store. If you’re not aware, here are some of the basic rules (all of which I saw violated today, some of them multiple times):
1. Use normal driving rules. Push your cart as though you were driving a car. Stay on the right hand side, pull over when you want to stop, and obey the right of way. If you are turning off an aisle and someone else is going straight, they have the right of way, don’t cut them off.
2. If an aisle is crowded, park your cart at the end, walk down the aisle to pick up what you want, and then carry it back to your cart. The only exceptions are when you’re picking up something that’s very heavy (kitty litter, multiple 3 liter Coke bottles, etc), or when you have a baby in the cart. Don’t want to leave your purse unattended? Carry it with you.
3. If you decide you don’t want something you picked up, return it to where it belongs. Don’t put products back on the wrong shelves, and don’t leave a mother fracking steak on top of the candy in the check out lane.
4. If the store is giving out samples, dispose of your cup, napkin, toothpick, etc in a trash can. Either consume the sample right where it is being given away and use the trash can located there, or place it in the top basket part of your cart and then give it to the cashier when you check out.
5. WATCH YOUR GOD DAMN KIDS! I think that’s all I need to say about that.
Keep in mind that these are only a few of the many rules of shopping in a post-industrial society. There are many other rules beyond these, but you won’t break them if you follow the three basic principles of courtesy, respect, and not being a God damn fracking idiot.
Now, I know some of you might be wondering what’s with the picture. Definitely not representative of your average Wal-Mart shopper, or even your average Target shopper. Not even your average Whole Foods shopper. Nope, just a gratuitous hottie. You’re welcome.
“Yet another wonderful reason not to go to law school:
There’s less chance you’ll wind up like Elie if you don’t”
Harvard Law Grad who’s job is to chase down industry gossip and edit a blog? Elie Mystal has a pretty sweet job, I’d say. Doubtful he makes close to even the salary of a first year associate, but his job probably affords him more power within the legal industry than most non-equity partners, and the ATL Editor in Chief chair comes with a good amount of prestige too.
Or, at least it did while David Lat sat in.
Anyways, thanks, ATL! That link generated thousands of hits and propelled Reason #13 to 94th most popular WordPress blog entry for the day.
Defendant was a rat, so i eated it. Guilty an delishuss.
Can you find at least 6 differences between these panels?
Highlight the area below for the answers:
1) First panel labeled “PANEL 1.” Second panel labeled “PANEL 2”; 2) In Panel 1, Rat feels an internal urge to punch Pig. In Panel 2, urge is diminished; 3) Panel 2 is below Panel 1; 4) There is a flying toaster in Panel 2; 5 and 6) There are no fifth and sixth differences. The question asked was, “Can you find at least 6 differences?” The answer was no.
If it didn’t immediately occur to you that this was a yes/no question, you’re going to fail your law school exams because you’re incapable of answering the questions that are asked and nuanced reading comprehension. If you realized it was a yes/no question and answered it as such, you’re going to make a terrible lawyer, because you’re insufferably literal.