Archive for Gratuitous Hottie

Wal-Tard

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , on January 16, 2010 by bl1y

Wal-Mart shoppers have a pretty awful, yet well-deserved, reputation.  Fat, unkept, camo-clothed, uneducated hill-billies.  Of course, most people there are just regular people; the reputation is more a result of confirmation bias.  You just don’t even bother noticing the regular folk, and the stereotypes stand out in your memory.

But, the city I live in now is not like most Southern cities.  We have one of the largest research parks in the world and one of the highest concentrations of college graduates.  The two big industries are NASA and the Air Force.  So, with all the engineers (almost 10% of the work force) and military types, you’d think Wal-Marts here would be well-oiled retail machines.  So very much not the case.  In fact, the less like a stereotypical Wal-Mart shopper someone looks, it seems the more likely they are to be a terrible customer.  I guess the Wal-Mart regulars have figured out the basic protocol for shopping in a big box store.  If you’re not aware, here are some of the basic rules (all of which I saw violated today, some of them multiple times):

1.  Use normal driving rules.  Push your cart as though you were driving a car.  Stay on the right hand side, pull over when you want to stop, and obey the right of way.  If you are turning off an aisle and someone else is going straight, they have the right of way, don’t cut them off.

2.  If an aisle is crowded, park your cart at the end, walk down the aisle to pick up what you want, and then carry it back to your cart.  The only exceptions are when you’re picking up something that’s very heavy (kitty litter, multiple 3 liter Coke bottles, etc), or when you have a baby in the cart.  Don’t want to leave your purse unattended?  Carry it with you.

3.  If you decide you don’t want something you picked up, return it to where it belongs.  Don’t put products back on the wrong shelves, and don’t leave a mother fracking steak on top of the candy in the check out lane.

4.  If the store is giving out samples, dispose of your cup, napkin, toothpick, etc in a trash can.  Either consume the sample right where it is being given away and use the trash can located there, or place it in the top basket part of your cart and then give it to the cashier when you check out.

5.  WATCH YOUR GOD DAMN KIDS! I think that’s all I need to say about that.

Keep in mind that these are only a few of the many rules of shopping in a post-industrial society.  There are many other rules beyond these, but you won’t break them if you follow the three basic principles of courtesy, respect, and not being a God damn fracking idiot.

Now, I know some of you might be wondering what’s with the picture.  Definitely not representative of your average Wal-Mart shopper, or even your average Target shopper.  Not even your average Whole Foods shopper.  Nope, just a gratuitous hottie.  You’re welcome.

It’s No Pants Day!

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , on January 12, 2010 by bl1y

(Apparently.)

Reason Not to Go to Law School #8

Posted in Why Not to Go to Law School with tags , , , , , , , , , on January 11, 2010 by bl1y

There’s too many God damn law students.

The New York Times has reported that since The Economy Happened there has been a 20% increase in LSAT takers.  Naturally, this is leading to an increase in students applying to law school (some schools have reported more than a 50% increase in applications).

On the other end, law schools are not rapidly expanding their lecture halls and hiring new professors.  Nope, the available seats in good law schools is going to remain pretty much the same.  So, getting into a decent law school is going to be a lot harder, and you can expect your future class mates to be even more competitive and douchebaggy.

Just to make things worse, third and fourth tier diploma mills have been cropping up all over the place thanks to the ABA practically endorsing degrees not worth the Kinkos paper they’re printed on.  And unlike the good schools, they will be more than happy to widen their doors to take in more suckers.  So, if you go to a mid-ranked school, when you graduate you’re going to have a huge number of kids from crappy schools competing for the same jobs.

Now, you might be thinking students at shit schools won’t hurt your job prospects, but some 30,000 students graduate from TTTs every year, and the numbers are going up.  A 20% increase in those students, means another 6000 hungry lawyers in the job market.  If you only have to compete with the top 5-10% from those schools (and you probably will), that’s 300-600 fewer job opportunities for you.

If you happen to be one of those TTT students…I’d feel sorry for you, but I don’t feel sorry for dumbasses who should have known better than to go to such a shitty school in the first place.  However, I will offer you a gratuitous hottie as a consolation prize.

And look, she’s upside down!  It’s practically a metaphor for how the rest of your life will turn out if you decide to go to law school.

Beautiful People (dot com)

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , on January 10, 2010 by bl1y

If you’ve spent too much time on the internet lately (and if you’re unemployed, you know you have), you’ve probably heard about the dating website BeautifulPeople.com, which gained quite a bit of attention after dumping people for their holiday weight gain.

To become a member of BeautifulPeople.com, you must first go through a 48 hour rating period in which members vote on whether you’re beautiful enough to be let in.  But, after many of the members gained too much holiday weight (and I guess posted more recent, unflattering pictures?), the plumper members were put back onto the chopping block, essentially going through the application process again.  I haven’t seen how many were reconsidered, but 5000 were let go.

So of course this site gets lots of criticism for being shallow and blah blah blah, but I think it’s actually a pretty brilliant idea.  Most dating sites are overrun with people who are unattractive or downright uggo.  And let’s face it, looks matter.  So, if you’re particularly discriminating in your tastes, you might have to wade through hundreds of profiles on sites like Plenty of Fish or OKCupid to find someone who’s not just physically attractive, but who also has a compatible personality.  And of coures, finding one person doesn’t garauntee romance, or even a first date.  So really, to have a good chance at meeting someone and forming a relationship, you could be stuck going through thousands of profiles, or simply exhausting the dating pool if you live in a smaller city.

Most dating sites allow you to narrow your searches based on a variety of factors, such as location, age, education level, religion, alcohol/tobacco/drug use and the like.  People simply check boxes on their profile, and then a basic search engine can filter out the people who don’t meet your basic criteria.  The only thing they can’t really filter for is attractiveness.  That’s what the mob rule at BeautifulPeople.com does.

I have no idea if it’s at all effective though.  OKCupid has tried making a “hot list,” a list of people voted by other members as being attractive.  But, the OKCupid hot list dropped in quality almost instantly.  On sites like that, people are generally pretty generous with their votes (but not with their dates).  There’s just something about us that makes us prone to giving overly rosy reviews, be it of a CLE lecture, a review of a professor, or an anonymous stranger on a dating site.  But, BeautifulPeople.com may have developed a more realistic (if harsh) culture, which could be effective in weeding out the uggos.

Don’t look for me on there any time soon, I’m only just now starting to work off my “recession weight.”  That pizza and beer diet is a killer.  But, if anyone reading this is a member, feel free to post links to pictures in the comments.  I think we’re all a bit curious as to who makes the cut there.

Why Smart Women Really Have a Tough Time Dating

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , on January 10, 2010 by bl1y

Dr. Alex Benzer, author of Tao of Dating and Other Wastes of Money has written a relatively uninsightful piece for the Huffington Post about why smart women have a tough time dating.  While I don’t think he gets anything wrong, his piece is just pretty bland, uninteresting and superficial.  Of course, you can’t expect to get the truth about dating published with the Huffington Post.  So, as a supplement to “Dr.” Benzer’s piece, here are five more reasons smart women have trouble dating.

1.  They Want to “Date Up.”  Many women insist on “dating up” in two categories, education and income.  They want a man who is at least as well educated as they are, and who makes more money than they do.  Well, smart people tend to be well educated and make more money, so this narrows the fields down pretty quickly.  And to worsen the problem, smart men will generally consider a wider range of education and professional backgrounds.  Smart women restrict themselves to a smaller pool, but the men in that pool don’t feel obligated to stay in it, so we date women outside of it and there’s not a whole lot left in the pond.

2.  They want to “Date Up.”  Yeah, we’re still on this.  Like I said, most women want to date up, but there’s another reason why this is particularly problematic for smart women.  When smart women look for someone as educated as they are and who makes better money, they come across as much more superficial than other women.  For the most part, they look at only doctors, lawyers and bankers, and when that’s your pool of potential mates, you look like a gold digging bitch.  It might not be the case, but that’s how you’ll come across.

3.  They come across as insecure about their smarts.  Many smart women are in jobs that are, or traditionally have been, dominated by men.  Whether real or imagined, they often feel a need to prove themselves, which includes proving how smart they are.  As they say, a rich man doesn’t need to tell you that he’s rich.  Same goes for smarts.  If you’re intelligent, it will come through naturally.  Making an effort to show how smart you are shows you’re insecure about your intelligence; you don’t trust it to show on its own.  Not only is insecurity unattractive, but you’ll come across as a try hard and frankly, not that smart.

4.  They’re not actually smart, they’re just educated.  Going to an Ivy League school does not necessarily mean you’re smart.  You can memorize facts and definitions and kill the SATs and even graduate with great grades from a top school but still be dumb as bricks when it comes to things like adapting to a new technology or figuring out that the guy with a wife and a mistress isn’t interested in you.

Education is just a paper in a frame and a line on a resume.  Being smart is about observation, analysis, adaptation and innovation.  If you were actually smart, you wouldn’t need a psuedo-doctor to tell you what you’re doing wrong.  You’d have already figured it out and fixed it.

5.  They have a rod up their ass.  Benzer gets it right that many smart women don’t play up their feminine side, but ignores the darker part of this.  They often are incredibly obsessive about finding men who want them for their intelligence.  On the other hand, men don’t really care why a woman is attracted to us (unless it’s for money); we just want a woman who is genuinely attracted to us.  The why doesn’t matter.

What makes this one particularly bad is that intelligence on its own is not really that attractive.  If your intelligence makes you more able to hold an interesting conversation, or enjoy the nerdy things we like, or suggest a book we’ll love, then it makes you more attractive.  But, intelligence can also make you a mindless drone.  It’s not raw intelligence but how you apply that matters.

Wondering why there’s a picture of Amanda Bynes in this post?  She’s definitely not the model of feminine intelligence.  Nope, just a gratuitous hottie.  You’re welcome.

PS: If you think of Dr. Benzer as a real doctor, you’re not that smart.  He’s a freaking hypnotherapist and neuro-linguistic programming practitioner…meaning he’s just a super-cheesey wannabe pickup artist who calls himself a doctor.

You’re Dixie’s football pride, Crimson Tide

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , on January 8, 2010 by bl1y

Congrats to the Alabama Crimson Tide for their defeat of Texas in the BCS National Championship Redundantly Titled Game yesterday.  The heavily favored Tide won 37-21, making coach Nick Saban the first college football coach to win national titles at two different colleges.

Alabama won in a way familiar to many of its fans: sloppy and mean.  Texas star quarterback and Heisman finalist Colt McCoy was injured in his first series and was out of the game, replaced by freshman Gilbert.

Gilbert put up a great effort, all things considered, at one point leading Texas within 3 points of Bama in the fourth quarter, though perhaps the close score was due more to serious of foul-ups by Alabama.  But, the running power of Richardson and Heisman winner Ingram proved unstoppable, with each running for over 100 yards and 2 touchdown.

I think Gilbert could be a star player next year and will start the season at the top of the Heisman watch.  With so many recent trophies going to sophomores, he might be the smart bet.  But that’s a long ways off.  Today belongs to Alabama.

Yea Alabama, Roll Tide!